You say you feel powerless, at the whim of circumstances around you? Well sure, there’s a lot we can’t change, but there’s a lot we can. Remember the serenity prayer? “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” Knowing how to discern between what you can and cannot change, and then applying a healthy mindset to each, will help bring growth in the areas of your life where you’ve found yourself constantly going ’round and ’round, repeating the same maddening patterns that you can’t seem to break out of.
Your mind is an enormously powerful tool. When used to enhance the spark inside you, you just may find yourself effortlessly fulfilling your hopes and passions. But the mind is also a product of our past insecurities, current assumptions, and fears of what the future holds. This means that the mind can taint everything that happens to us with dusty old stories about ourselves that may not be true, but nevertheless seem real to us. Do you feel stuck somewhere in your life? In your career? In breaking destructive habits? Becoming motivated to live healthier? In relationships? You DO have power to break through your mind’s false barriers. Start by thinking about the following, which can be applied to any situation in your life. See if anything resonates with you.
Embrace the unexpected.
Release what you can’t control. So much of our time is spent worrying about an elusive future that’s created solely in our minds, especially if we feel stuck in some aspect. Our longing to know about the future feeds our innate need for security. But the ability to accept and even embrace uncertainty about how something in our life may turn out serves us much better than clinging to the need to know. The clinging turns into fear, and in the end this fear will probably stifle us from becoming unstuck in the first place.
Life really is an adventure. Approach your adventure with the curious eyes of a child. We’re not always meant to know the final act before we get there. Constantly wondering how you’ll ever get where you need to be or how your challenging situation will ever be resolved only paralyzes.
Give yourself permission to trust the process and take baby steps. Life has a funny way of pleasantly surprising us, opening up for us in ways we hadn’t considered. Trust yourself. Accept yourself and your situation, and trust.
Then in the meantime, focus on the tasks at hand; the everyday activities that don’t seem meaningful on the surface but that can bring you peace and perspective. If these activities feel empty to you, then you may be living through your anxiety. Live fully in each moment and let the regular flow of life carry you.
Allow yourself to change course.
For the things you CAN control, make changes that best align with you. If you’re unhappy, either change the situation to the best of your ability, or accept things as they are, and then stop worrying.
Say you’ve made a decision to do something significant in your life. You have each step all figured out, and your path is clear. You’ve been going along for weeks, months, maybe even years–but somewhere along the way, something doesn’t feel right anymore. Committed to your plan, you ignore that niggling feeling and remain resolved to stick with it. You feel you’ve come too far to turn around and start over, so you continue on. Your main focus is the end result. Once you get to that place, everything will be fine, you think. If you find yourself constantly wishing for the process to be over, that could be a sign that your heart’s not in it anymore. Give yourself permission to change your mind, no matter what journey you’re experiencing.
Assess your motives as you go to avoid regretting where you end up. Be honest with yourself. Sometimes the hardest choice is the best one. It’s quite common to have to tweak your goal. Change is constant and inevitable. Ask yourself: Do I still want the things I’m working toward? If not, be grateful for the lessons you’ve learned, the wisdom you’ve gained, and then make whatever changes you need to in order for your life to remain aligned with yourself and your values. Write them down and commit to them. If you’re stuck, ask a friend to help you identify any blind spots or negative patterns you may be too close to the situation to recognize.
Changing course in your life may require you to take a leap of faith and step into the unknown for awhile. This is where trust, living each moment fully, and an embrace of the unexpected come in. If the change feels right inside, your senses will feel awakened, and you’ll perhaps sense possibility where you once thought none existed.
Approach where you are with love.
If you want to create change for yourself, do it because it feels right, not to satisfy some arbitrary idea of “enoughness.” If you hear a critical debasing voice inside, catch it and recognize it for what it is: Pain in you that is rising up to be healed. So listen to that voice. Journaling can be therapeutic for releasing pain. Give yourself grace and love. Take deep breaths and redirect. Rest when you need to rest. Be deliberate in your decisions, choosing only those that honor and nourish your body and soul.
Are you living your values in your daily life? Get that journal out and write whatever answer comes up. For example, does your job align with your values and desires? Are you unable to gain a healthy relationship to food because you’re using it to self-medicate over anxiety or sadness? If you sense that an underlying resentment, anger, or depression within may be causing you to self-sabotage, don’t pile even more criticism on. Give yourself compassion. If needed, make changes to live more authentically and in line with what brings you joy–even small changes. Pare back on mindless doing, and spend more time “being.” Numbing out works in the moment, but in the end it brings exhaustion and more of the same. Give yourself the gift of making pockets of time available for creative passions and hobbies that will bring more joy into your life.
Surround yourself with those who make you feel good and lift you up–people you can be authentic with. Set boundaries with those who don’t. Consider becoming part of something larger than yourself, working with others for a greater good. The sense of belonging to a group of like-minded people can help connect you to what most inspires you. Your service to the world could help you discover your inner purpose, and as a result, what direction you need to take in other areas.
Love yourself. Any voice inside that tells you that you’re “not enough” is lying, and you can choose to ignore it. Ignore our culture’s claims that you need to live up to its image of success in order to be “acceptable.” Resist the temptation to compare yourself to others–Their journey isn’t yours, and there’s no set timetable for when is appropriate to achieve “success.” There’s plenty of abundance and happiness for everyone and then some, but you have to recognize it and then accept it. When you find yourself thinking from a place of lack and wanting, write those thoughts down. Then beside them, turn them around with words of gratitude. Let your gratitude guide you. Miracles are everywhere, if only you choose to see them.
“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking”
~Albert Einstein
